Your official invite to the Democratic national Convention- Here is the schedule of events- broadcast live via al gores internet!

Dear Contributor,
Enclosed please find two tickets to the DNC compliments of the Hilary for Coronation Committee. Also you will find a commemorative key chain made in china with lead based paint, a parking voucher for your low emiisions vehicle (ted kennedy excluded) and a generic bank draft for your fourth quarter contributions.

Please be patient with the staffing at this event as many do not speak english.
All Hollywood actors and actresses must bring proof of recent anti-American activities, a bail bond card or copy of latest 'indy' film with anti-republican or Pro-Al Queda message.

Please be advised that Micheal Moore will be filming his hunger strike during this event by skipping the buffett line...

Please plan on arriving early as security will be tight, and all cavity searches will be broadcast live via Geraldo!

Thanks for your support!

Democratic National Convention Opening Schedule:

Schedule of Events:

7:00 pm ~ Opening flag burning

7:15 pm ~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.

7:20 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm ~ Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm ~ Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm ~ How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore

8:15 pm ~ Gay Wedding Planning - Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm ~ Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry

9.00 pm ~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm ~ "Answering Machine Etiquette" - Alec Baldwin

11:00 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm ~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund - Barbra Streisand

11:15 pm ~ Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay -- Sean Penn

11:30 pm ~ Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm ~ How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean

12:15 am ~ "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am ~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am ~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am ~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home

Have fun…

The DNC

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